I cynically chuckle at the cereal brand’s slogan “Whatever Froots Your Loops” - a nonsensical, shameless attempt to target supposedly deep-pocketed Millennials like myself. Shannon, the perfect little brown-noser, who has only worked at BuzzFood for SIX MONTHS - but everyone fawns over her because her ramen burgers story went “viral” (whatever that means). Case in point: Shannon got the promotion instead of me. This popular cereal sparked a playful debate among hungry children - is each color a different flavor, or not? But as a calloused adult whose curiosity for life’s mysteries has long since waned, I know the disappointing truth: each loop, despite their superficial contrasts, tastes the same, and my desperate attempts to demonstrate my worth on this lonely blue planet have proven, time and again, to be frootless. Alas, the Rabbit soldiers on, perhaps merely satisfied to have any purpose at all, even if it is entirely futile. It’s not unlike when I asked for a promotion and my boss at BuzzFood, a popular food blog, laughed in my face and pointed out my inability to meet the weekly deadline for our Keto Korner column. He tries so desperately to taste the cereal he hawks, but is continually thwarted by cruel children and their arbitrary “Trix are for kids” rule. As I gaze at the Silly Rabbit on the box, I yearn to feel an ounce of his ambition. This colorful cereal boasts natural fruit flavors like Lemony Yellow™, Orangey Orange™ and Grapity Purple™.
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